Love Beyond Measure

Joy, excitement, anticipation and anxiety are just a few of the emotions that I felt upon receiving the news that another baby (our 6th) would be joining our family. To say that we were surprised would be inaccurate, but it wasn't completely planned (on our end) either.

You see, our youngest was over three, and we were moving into a new stage of parenting. I had reached the grand old age of 40 (positively ancient, some would say, for childbearing). Each previous child had come anywhere from two to two and a half years after his/her previous sibling so it seemed that a door was closing. I began to slowly give things away that we had accumulated over the years. "Do you want these items back?" my sisters-in-law or friends would ask. "Oh no, they're yours now," I'd reply.

And then, in the heat of the summer of 2023, I didn't feel so well. I couldn't be, could I? I took a pregnancy test to confirm my suspicions. Indeed, two lines showed up. Really? Now? I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head at the timing of God, but while my body ached more than ever, I was giddy with the thought of snuggling another precious baby.

As time would pass, we were quickly greeted with scheduling our 20-week ultrasound. Until that time, and with all previous pregnancies, we had never done any early testing because we would love, keep and cherish the child no matter what was found. The excitement of seeing our precious child on the screen outweighed any nerves of any abnormal findings . And indeed, we saw the miracle of life in those black and white images, our baby sucking their thumb, kicking here and there...a beautiful gift of God. We were elated.

After the ultrasound imaging, we were escorted into another room to sit and wait for the doctor to read the images and tell us about our child. She walked in, and the first thing she said was, "Your child is healthy, but..." I don't recall the exact words or details that followed, but somewhere in those images, there were two markers that indicated this child could potentially have Down Syndrome. They could not definitively diagnose based on these findings, but we were given a few options on how to proceed. One option was to have my blood drawn, and again, while not diagnostic, it would give a better indication of any chromosomal abnormalities. We went with this particular test as it was non-invasive and would give us an idea of what these soft markers meant.

Five agonizing days later, we got the call. The call that would change our lives. The call that would challenge every emotion and question the plans God had for us as parents and as a family. The results were a 93% probability of our child being born with Down Syndrome.

From there, fear continued to build. There were many tears and cries out to God, prayers for the results to be wrong, and the confusion on how to relay this information to family, friends, and members of our church. What would people think? How would they react to our child? What does this mean for our family? Our child? Even though we see and view all children and people as image bearers of God, I somehow feared that while this was believed in thought, it may not be fully put into action by our brothers and sisters in Christ. What caused this doubt? It was the fear of the unknown. It was our lack of trust in God. These thoughts and feelings consumed me throughout the remainder of my pregnancy as we didn't make any formal announcements regarding our baby's potential diagnosis.

I thought that call months before changed our lives, but really, it was March 8, 2024 that changed our lives. It was the day that we welcomed our sweet baby boy into the world. In the moment, we held him tight, cuddled him, embraced him and thanked God for the gift of his life. It was the moment that we laid our eyes on him that he changed us. Already, we couldn't imagine our lives without him. We had our suspicions that he did indeed have an extra third 21st chromosome, but there was such fierce love for this gift of life that it didn't matter. We knew that he was created to be exactly who God wanted him to be, and he was perfectly placed into our family.

It was now time to announce to our friends, extended family and church that Gabriel was here. And that he had Down Syndrome. Again, the questions of uncertainty arose in how people would respond. We loved him so much and our hearts were so full, but would others have that reaction? Would they also see Gabriel as a beautiful gift? Would they embrace him, disability and all?

In the short time that we've had Gabriel, so many have responded with an overwhelming love and support. My initial fears and questions have been laid to rest. It warms my heart when he is just as reached for as my other children were as babies. We appreciate the love poured out on him. We appreciate the questions asked of him...how he is doing? What is he learning now? And most of all, we covet the prayers. Prayers for his health and many doctor visits. It is the simplicity of these actions that show me how much people love and care about Gabe.

Additionally, seeing Gabriel through the eyes of our children has shown us such a simple love. They don’t see a disability, they see a baby brother. At any given moment, our children can be seen hugging, holding and snuggling up to him. Gabe brings a calm to each of them where they often think less about their wants and demands. And while they know he has Down Syndrome, they don’t see it as a “bad” thing. I’ll never forget when we first told the kids that their baby sibling might have Down Syndrome, they didn’t quite understand. So, I shared that they have an extra 21st chromosome and because of that, they may have unique features. I’ll never forget the reaction our eight-year-old had, “Oh, so that just means the baby will be way cuter than any of us?” Indeed!

This is a new journey for us, raising a child with a disability within the church and local Christian community. As Gabriel grows and becomes older, we will grow and change with him. We will learn how to best support him and his needs. As for those in our church and Christian community, I hope they will continue to love him, ask about him, pray for him and engage with him. I pray that God's grace and love is continually shown through Gabriel--to us as his parents and family as well as to anyone who encounters him.

Having Gabriel has certainly been life changing--for the better and to the glory of God.