When the Dust Settles

As I write this blog post, I sit in the guestroom of my childhood home, which was once covered in indie movie and emo band posters that my older brother displayed as evidence that he was, in fact, cool. Now, 15 years later, the walls are painted a soft seafoam blue, there are pops of yellow daisies, and the closet stores Christmas ribbons and my yellowed wedding dress. My, how things change with the passage of time.

The reason I’m writing from my brother’s former bedroom and not from the comfort of my cozy reading nook at home is because my husband and I are on day 13 of our home undergoing extensive repairs and reconstruction. With open walls, exposed studs, and dust in the air, suddenly, the charm of my 84-year-old, cottage-style home that I once adored has faded.

As we’ve faced the challenges of unexpected home repairs over the last year and the financial burdens that come along with it, my mind is filled with questions of doubt: Why us? Haven’t we been through enough this year? What’s going to go wrong next?

But what I often forget to notice in the midst of these trials is how God is bringing us through them right now, in this very moment; I’m blinded by the mess in front of me, struggling to see God’s hand guiding us through the dust.

Eventually, that dust will settle. After every trial, there comes a point a few months, sometimes years, later when I reach that beautiful stage of “hindsight.” I’m sure you’ve been there too; it’s a lovely place. In the land of hindsight, we can clearly see the working hand of God each step of the way. Once I reach that place several months from now, removed from the dust, the answers to the questions I posed above will become overwhelmingly clear, and I will start to feel foolish for ever asking them in the first place.

While both the literal and figurative dust is still very much in the air, when I pause for a moment and reflect on the good that God is doing in our lives, I can begin to see glimmers of His grace shining through the haze. He’s provided for us in unexpected ways, and He is building our resilience and faith while we rebuild our home.

The Bible passage that I’ve come back to a lot over the last year during various trials, is Psalm 42:5-6: “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God.”

The phrase that stands out to me most is “for I shall again praise Him.” While Psalm 42 is a passage of lament, it is also one of hope. That word “again” conveys the Psalmist’s trust in God for he has confidence that God will be good again in the future because He has been good in the past. Despite his current circumstances, he has faith in God’s deliverance.

As I reflect on past difficulties, I can see how God brought me through and ultimately, how I should have trusted Him in those moments. When my dad died of cancer just three weeks before my 13th birthday, I couldn’t fathom what purpose God had in this tragedy. When my adolescent heart was crushed by a boy, I questioned my worth. When I got laid off from my job, I struggled to see how my future would pan out. When I was diagnosed with a debilitating chronic illness, I hopelessly grieved the life I once had and the future I thought I never would. At the time of these trials, I couldn’t see the life that God was composing for me. I couldn’t see the faith He was building, the husband He was preparing, the career change He was brewing, or the healing that His hand was directing. I was so very blinded by the dust.

The story of the cross also reminds us how the depths of despair can lead to the ultimate glimmer. In the midst of unimaginable grief, Jesus’ apostles, family and followers forgot the promises of God. All they could focus on was the devastating news that Jesus, their beloved friend and leader, died the most gruesome death. They could not see past their grief. Yet once the dust of the tomb settled and Jesus appeared to them resurrected, they began to recall the promises that had been spoken to them: that Jesus would rise from the dead in fulfillment of scripture and that the cross was not His, or their, end.

They, too, had to visit the land of hindsight to see the goodness of God’s redemptive plan. But this hope isn’t just available to us in hindsight; it’s right in front of us when we’re in the thick of it. Our own feelings of despair don’t compare to the reality of hope that God continually reveals to us throughout His Word. Even if there’s a little dust in our eyes, God’s promises are still there. His hand is still guiding us. And glimmers of grace abound.