The Dying Art of Dining Together: What Has Happened to Mealtimes?

I grew up in the 80’s and 90’s and lived in a small town in Northwest Iowa where I lived just two blocks away from one set of grandparents. We attended the same church as my grandparents and Sunday dinners (also known as lunch) were a weekly occurrence. We would eat soup in the winter and grilled hamburgers in the summer. Dessert was usually a pie my grandma had baked, and we usually went home with some of her chocolate chip cookies. After lunch we would usually play a game of Yahtzee and many times I would sit down at her piano and play some hymns from the blue Psalter Hymnal. Talking about these mealtimes brings me right back to the tastes, smells, and memories of all of us sharing a meal.

Today it seems that regular family mealtimes have become a thing of the past. A poll done by NPR and the Robert Wood Johnson foundation (2013) found that while families want to prioritize family mealtimes, they find it more and more difficult to do. The poll showed that family mealtimes happened regularly (6-7 nights a week) in less than 50% of the households surveyed. This is often due to busy family schedules which include work schedules (for both teenage children and parents), children’s extracurricular events, and church responsibilities and events. Even when families are eating together, there are many distractions including TV, cell phones, and other devices.

Recently, author and podcaster, Carlos Whitaker as part of research for his new book, spent many mealtimes with the Amish and found that they were spending upwards of 60-90 minutes together around the table during mealtimes. The Amish are known for their work ethic and productivity, but they still take time out of their day to enjoy family meals. Often times, these meals include more than just their immediate family members. In the broader US culture, mealtimes historically were much longer than they are today. In the early to mid-1900’s families would typically spend around 90 minutes around the table for multiple meals a day. Today, that number has decreased to 12 minutes and these mealtimes, in many households, are happening only 2-3 times per week.

In my own family, I have noticed how we have succumbed to this trend. When my kids were younger and less busy, it was much easier to prepare a homecooked meal and have us all gather around the table for anywhere from 20-30 minutes. At the time, my husband was working shift work as a police officer, but when his schedule allowed, he would stop home during dinner time. Now, my kids are all teenagers, and we’re lucky if these family mealtimes happen 1-2 times per week. Even then, it’s likely that one or two of us are missing due to sports, work commitments, or church responsibilities. In spring of 2020, the Covid-19 pandemic and lockdown slowed us all down. I remember fondly the mealtimes we had when everyone was home, and while sometimes we were eager for lockdown to end, the mealtimes we shared during that time were an unexpected blessing.

Jesus shows us the value of eating together throughout the New Testament. We read of Him sharing meals with His disciples, including the Last Supper, but we also read of Jesus eating with tax collectors and others who were considered undesirable in society. He ate with Mary and Martha and reminded Martha that she shouldn’t be so distracted by the tasks that needed to be done and should instead be focused on the relationships formed and nurtured during meals (Luke 10: 38-42). Just like Martha, we can easily get overwhelmed by the tasks in front of us. We can start to justify sacrificing our family mealtimes to focus on answering work emails, attending a committee meeting at church, or catching up on household tasks that seem urgent to keep things at home running smoothly. We are often pulled in many directions with our responsibilities and commitments, and I’m not recommending that we start neglecting those things that need to be done. Instead, we can treat our family mealtimes as one of those non-negotiables. Just as we wouldn’t neglect to show up to teach Sunday School when we’ve committed to being there every week, we also need to work to protect these precious and valuable times with our families around the table.

How can we resurrect the art of dining together in a busy, schedule-driven culture that pulls us in so many different directions? We may need to lower our expectations while also prioritizing the time we do have. For many of us, it is unrealistic to expect that our families will be able to share a meal more than 2-3 times per week, but we can look at our calendars and focus on the few days/evenings that it may work. Schedule those times and let everyone know that those days/meals will be set aside for family meals. Invite others to join your meals whether that be extended family members, friends, co-workers, or someone who may be new to your community. Making meals more of an event (even if the menu is simple) can help everyone make them more of a priority and should decrease the likelihood of scheduling conflicts. God made us for relationships, and “breaking bread” with others is one way we can both foster new relationships and connect with those closest to us.

The holidays provide an opportunity for us to realign ourselves with a posture of gratitude. Being thankful for the people in our lives, especially our family and friends, is one of many motivations to recommit ourselves to prioritizing these relationships and protecting time together sharing a meal. In a world where it’s easy to get caught up in busy routines, setting aside time around our table reminds us of the simple, yet profound, need for connection. It’s in these shared moments, around a meal, that we often find space for deeper understanding, creating a sense of community that nourishes both the body and the spirit.

Although our schedules and technology can drive us apart from each other more than it brings us together, let’s find ways to not let this dying art of eating with each other vanish altogether.